Tip #5: I Have My Divorce. You Have Your Divorce. The Twain Don’t Meet.

Stepmoms Should Hear No Evil

When I married Bruce, it was the second marriage for both of us. With divorce comes stories.  Tell me if I’m wrong, but I think a lot of us divorcees like to tell our stories.  Over and over and over.  It comes with the territory.

Early on, I decided that Bruce should keep his divorce and I should keep mine.  In other words, those relationships should remain sacred between the original two people.  I asked that all conversations between the bio parents be out of my earshot.  I have no idea if they ever argued, but I never wanted to hear it.  In that way, my thoughts remained clean.  After all, their relationship was between them and they were more than capable of raising their children.  In fact, they were great parents.  All I needed to know were the rules that they wanted me to follow.  That’s it.

If we had stories that we wanted to tell about our divorces, we should tell them to others unassociated with our families.  Don’t misunderstand.  It was important to understand the reasons behind your partner’s divorce prior to marrying them.  But, you did not need to get involved in any drama or hear current issues.  Let the original couple handle their lives.  They can do it.  They do not need us.  It is not our business.

Did I live my life with blinders on? I don’t think so. Ignorance was bliss.  My ignorance allowed me to be a better compassionate witness for my family.  I could listen with an open heart and mind.  Maybe, that is the greatest gift a stepmom can give:  minding our own business while listening with compassion.