The Stepmother is the Family Anchor-The Evil Stepmother Speaks, Again

Drop Anchors, Not Bombs
Find This Image and T Shirt on The Beat Box site
http://www.thebeat-box.com/2012/05/ahoy-obey-clothing-drops-anchors.html

When you live in a remarried home, there are tons of moving parts.  Kids are going back and forth.  We are working.  Relationships go up and down.  Emotions swirl around our heads 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Much like the waves of the ocean can be turbulent, our families bravely voyage to our destination.  Sails flying wildy and hopes held high.

I say that stepmothers can actually be the anchors for our families as they sail through life.  When you think about it, an anchor spends its time on the sidelines.  It generally watches and hangs around on the ship, saying very little.  Yet, you know its there to keep you safe and stop you if need be.  The anchor spends the other half of its time under water, securing the ship, and laying low. Yet, in many ways, the anchor is the rock of the ship.

There is something to be said about hanging around, laying low and keeping everyone safe.  It reminds me of the writings in The Tao that says,

All streams flow to the sea
because it is lower than they are.
Humility gives it its power.

Sometimes, I think that we forget about laying low, under the sea.  Power does not necessarily mean being the one to make the rules.  In fact, power has nothing to do with rules, schedules or who does the dishes.  It has to do with your internal stuff.  It has to do with knowing who you are and what you stand for.  It has to do with living your life in a way that you feel is right.  As Dr. Martha Beck would say, we need to search and find our own North Star.  We don’t need a captain of the ship to steer us.  We can steer by starlight.  We can steer by our own souls.  This is the heart of humility.  This is where real power lies.

As an anchor, you will spend some time in the depths of the sea.  You will sit on the ocean floor in complete silence, knowing that you are holding the ship in place.  As step parents, we are perfectly positioned to do just this.  When turbulence strikes, we can stop, breathe and create peace.  Bake cookies.  Laugh.  Take the kids and the dog for a walk.  I was moved by the advice of Martha Beck, in her book, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World.  Dr. Beck reminds us that human beings have anchored themselves to the universe since the beginning of time.  She says,

” Take any opportunity you can to connect with the natural world.  Wayfinders from all cultures, from Jesus heading out into the wilderness for forty days to the Buddha leaving his palace for the forests, have relied on the natural world as their anchor into the Wordless realm.  A stroll on the beach or an hour watching the birds in your own backyard may not seem like the answer to your many problems.  But by dropping into Wordlessness, you’ll arrive at the state of mind that allows all wayfinders to find the answers they’re seeking.” (Beck, Martha, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World)

So, when in doubt, go to nature.  As Dr. Beck says, “Studies show that when you can experience wordlessness for even a few minutes, anxiety drops and creativity increases.”  The answers to your most chaotic moments lie in your backyard.  The park.  The ocean.  Envision yourself sitting on the bottom of the ocean floor and just holding your family in place.  Anchor yourself and them to the here and now.  Just stop.  Breathe and be silent.  The answers will come to you.