The Ex-Wife and the Stepmom
Have you noticed how many shows and documentaries are featuring the lives of polygamists? There is the HBO show, Big Love, the A&E show, Sister Wives and this past week Lisa Ling produced a documentary on the OWN network called Modern Polygamy. The public’s fascination with these shows is the relationship among the women. Their relationships are intriguing, as is the relationship between the ex-wife and the stepmom.
In these shows, the women are great friends. They claim to choose each other as members of their families. (Something the ex-wife and stepmom cannot claim.) Watch as they share the chores and the parenting of the children. As a working mom and step mom, it looks fantastic. I always wanted a wife! The wives also seem to be free as birds when it comes to their relationship with their husband. They are all about sharing him. Overall, the focus is on the family.
In a weird way, I sometimes think that step moms and the ex-wife are like sister wives. We are raising the same children. We are married to the same man,just at different times. We love this man, just at different times. Some of us live in the same space as our ex-wife. Yet, there is a preconceived notion that we must hate each other. Meanwhile, our sister wives are quite happy.
Maybe, we are all resentful because we did not get to choose each other. The ex-wife feels as if she is forced to hand her children over to a stranger. She may feel as if she is transferring her life over to some new, strange woman. How frightening!
Maybe, we are cosmic sister wives. We are meant to be together. We are meant to share. We are meant to be reflections or mirrors of each other. We are each other’s ultimate teachers. Let’s rewrite our own reality shows and tell the real story. The truth is that we are lucky to have our sister wives. They are our best friend.