The Heart of the Stepmom #Tribe – The Evil Stepmother Speaks

Stepmom Love

As many of you know, I am a #MarthaBeck life coach.  Dr. Beck calls all of her coaches, the tribe.  Somehow, all of us know that we are part of a tribe and that we belong there.  We belong together because we are of like mind.  We don’t go around talking about what connects us.  We just know.

I started thinking about our Stepmom Tribe.  We have one, you know.  I can feel it. Per the wonderful book Tribes by Seth Godin, tribes are brought together by people connected to one another. We are connected to one another by an idea or common thoughts or a common experience.  It is part of our human nature to form our tribes.  We’ve been doing it from the beginning of time.  What connects our stepmom tribe?

We share a unique experience.  We are living with another woman’s children.  In most, if not all cases, the bio mom was never asked for her permission to allow us to infiltrate the lives of her children.  Very scary for both of us.

We share a unique love choice.  We opted to marry a person who has children.  We knew from the start that we would be asked to love many others.  We knew that we may not be #1 in the heart of our spouses.  We knew that we would have to share.  We accepted the challenge.  We were anxious to love our new family.

We know that we were chosen for our families.

When I think of our tribe, I think about the heart of the stepmom.  Our hearts are open and exposed.  We love regardless of whether it is accepted.  We love per our choice.  We love whether we get the traditional ‘return’.  It is a tribe of which I am proud to be a member.  Join us.


FYI:  85.4 million moms in the United States, alone.  About one-third become a stepmom, 28 million.


5 Responses to The Heart of the Stepmom #Tribe – The Evil Stepmother Speaks

  1. As The Girlfriend Mom, I am just now beginning to reach out to others in my situation. This was so beautifully written and resonated with me. And although I’m not officially a stepmom, as The Girlfriend Mom, I live with a man who has kids. Thank you for the read and I look forward to dialoguing.

    • Hi, GirlfriendMom. I am honored that you wrote to me and that you liked the post, “The Heart of the Stepmom #Tribe”. I would love to keep dialoguing, too.

      PS: I cried when you said the blog was beautifully written. Thank you.

  2. I love being part of this tribe. It is not easy! But there are deeply beautiful returns in love and appreciation. It’s great to see that you can bless the lives of a man & kids who have been through a hard time and are hoping to live as normal a life as possible. Our assistance to help them do that with love, kindness, security, structure, etc. is invaluable and unforgettable to them.

  3. This truly is an accurate description of exactly how I feel. I love my (step)daughters whole heartedly and would do anything for them yet I also know and understand that that I may never have that in return from them. They do love me but more in an aunt kind of a way (rather than a mother). I am okay with that and it does not change how I treat and care for them.
    Thank you for allowing me to feel apart of the “tribe”! It is so nice to know there are others out there 🙂

    Aka the stepmomster
    Twitter: @thestepmomster

    • Heather,
      Thank you for the kind note. I always felt that, although this is a tough lesson, it’s a pure one. It is the true definition of unconditional love. It’s a good thing for all of us. I am also glad that we found each other.

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