The Evil Stepmother Speaks-The Soul of Your #Stepchildren-Stepmother Help

Divorce Changes Your Stepchildren’s Soul and Yours, Too!
Ann Taintor Image

Any divorce changes who you are. For our children, it shakes their world and foundation.  It is like a ship that has lost its anchor.  Think about it.  Once you know that your parents can split up, life becomes unsure.  It becomes a scary place.

Let’s go back to the brain again and explore the biology behind the fear.  The left brain wants to keep you safe.  The left brain only knows what it has seen in the past.  The past was life as a cohesive family.  All of of a sudden it sees something else, which triggers a message , “this may be unsafe”.  The ego is saying, “no, no…to the split and to this “new” family.”

These fears do not know age.  So for any stepmother that entered a family with adult stepchildren, you may have been shocked when they showed great emotion around their bio parents’ remarriage.  Every child is concerned that they will lose the love and connection with their biological parent.  It is a terrifying fear.  Whether we like it or not, the stepmother is a manifestation of  that fear.  If we bring other children to the marriage or have other children, it intensifies this fear.  Don’t be fooled by the children who are quiet or smiling.  I always felt that this inherent fear still lived in their hearts and their heads.

So, again, it’s not personal.  What can we do?  We can create a safe haven.  When the kids visit, it’s a fun place.  It is not a volatile place.  We are not moody.  (that’s a hard one…as kids are coming and going)..Just do the best you can.  Create a homey atmosphere where the kids feel free to spend one on one time with their bio parent.  I never recommend that any step parent accept abuse from any child, but I would wear your compassion on your sleeve.  The concoction of normal development, combined with their family’s divorce, is a hot bed for tons of emotion.  Some, directed at us.