The Evil Stepmother Speaks-One Day I Became Peaceful-Stepmother Help

stepmother help stepmother advice be peace to the family
When the Stepmother Becomes Peace, The Family Finds Space to Breathe
Image from Maylou Falstreau

One day her desire for peace became so great, she became peace.  I think I’ll write that one again:


The artist and poet Mary Falstreau wrote this lovely sentiment.  The true meaning behind this thought and her artwork hold the wisdom of all the ages.  Wouldn’t it be nice to have peace in your life?  A quiet brain?  A good night’s sleep?

Stop looking for peace and harmony outside of yourself.  Your partner/spouse can’t give it to you.  The ex wife is not the reason you can’t find tranquility.  Your stepchildren’s perfect behavior will not deliver harmony to your heart and mind.  Only you can live in a space of peace.  In fact, just like MaryLou’s words, you can become peace.  You just have to decide that this is who you are.

How nice to become the home of peace within our families.  Conflicts with the bio parents?  We don’t know how to get involved because we are peace.  We only know calm and silence.  Children not behaving?  Nasty comments from the ex?  We do not hear or see anything because our brains cannot process these behaviors.  They carry no meaning.  We only know stillness.  When asked to participate in drama, our answers are always the same, “I truly do not understand.  I wish you well.”

Ahhhh……sounds great.  How do I get to that place?  Pretend. You just decide to be in that place.  Walk out of the room, out of earshot when drama starts to occur.  It’s none of our business.  Our job is to remain peaceful.  If the ex wants to discuss policy issues with you, pace the phone or email onto the other bio parent.  It’s not our place.  We commit to following policies, not creating them.  Lead from the stillness.  Smile.  Start calling yourself a peace master.  Over time, it will become a habit.  A peaceful habit.



7 Responses to The Evil Stepmother Speaks-One Day I Became Peaceful-Stepmother Help

  1. I would love to say i completely agree with this, but I can not. I am full time stepmother to 3 wonderful children. The biological mother is barely in their lives, and when she is there it is nothing but drama!! I find it hard to just walk away from it when I am the only “mother” these kids have. I feel I should have every right to create the policies and she should have to follow them! There are so many reasons why I feel that way, I just do not want to get into detail.

    • Dear Eliza,
      Thanks for taking the time to respond to the blog. One of the challenges of having a blog devoted to stepmothers is that there are a zillion different situations. At times, it makes it hard to write because there are exceptions to every situation. Most importantly, I want us all to talk and know that we’re there for each other. You are right because you know what is right for your family. Please keep in touch as your feedback is truly appreciated.


    • I, too, am a full time stepmom. My kids are with us 24/7. I had so much anger exactly like this for a very long time. I was determined to show that stupid ex-wife who was the boss. I was the one who took care of the kids and damn-it.. she needed to know it. She was the one who abandoned her kids and I was the one who did all of the work. She didn’t deserve any attention and she was a lazy, stupid, jerk that would only pass on her bad habits to my children. This attitude was killing me. I was totally unhappy. So…one day ( with Barbs help) I decided that she would not upset me anymore. I decided that I didn’t need to play into her drama or even speak to her. My husband and I make the rules. When the bio mom decides to show up and create drama.. i walk away and let my husband deal with it. Sometimes I LITERALLY have to walk away – as in go around the block with the dog or retreat to the backyard. The children will always need and want their “real” mother in their life. That’s cool. But I don’t need or want her in mine. Your situation may be completely different than mine. I only wanted you to know that I hear you and understand.

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