Stepmother Help-Tip #9A-Few More Tricks to Avoid Talking About the Ex

Should Stepmothers Listen In On Conversations Between the Bio-Parents?

Do you listen in on the conversations between your spouse and their ex?  It’s a normal thing to do, right?  Bio parents need to talk fairly often.  Child management takes coordination and discussion.  So, the phone rings and you happen to be sitting in the room.  Your partner answers.  It is his/her ex.  Next thing you know,  you start listening in  on the one side of the conversation that you can hear.  Those conversations may be quite pleasant.  The discussions may be fact-based, like a scheduling notification.  There is also a chance that these discussions may have a negative tone.  Is there a chance there may be an argument?  Is there a possibility that your presence in the room affects how your spouse conducts the conversation?  Hmmm.

Leave the room.  Nothing good happens from any of us sitting in the room when our partners are talking to their ex spouses.  It tends to promote negative energy and more conversation than is necessary.

The same philosophy applies to emails.  Your partner should not be copying you or forwarding you e mails from his ex. Never use the blind copy. Again, it is part of their private conversation.  The only information that we need is fact-based instructions.  We don’t answer emails either.  Keep the conversations about decision-making for the children where it belongs:  with the bio parents.

Facebook.  Need I say that any of our upsets should not be written on Facebook?  This includes any type of quotes or deep ideas that clearly reflect on something happening in our families.

It comes down to this. Don’t fall into the trap of becoming the negative voice to your partner’s ex.  In fact, do not become the voice of your partner.  Sometimes, your partner will encourage you to communicate to the ex because he/she is afraid to say things.  Don’t do it.  The best thing for all of us is for the bio parents to have solid communication skills.  Let’s encourage those skills.

PS: Of course, we have input into family plans.  We are not helpless victims within the process.  Our input is to our partners as plans are being made.