Stepmother Help- NEVER DO THIS! EVER! – to yourself, your stepchildren or the Ex

Stepmothers should never make fun of an ex wife
The Children Suffer When The Stepmother Disrespects Their Mother

Never do this. Period.

The current Mrs. Kelsey Grammer, Kayte Grammer) dressed up as the ex Mrs. Kelsey Grammer for Halloween.  Thanks!  This is just the type of public relations all of us stepmothers need.  Damn! Hey, Kelsey and Kayte,  your costumes are not funny and shows such disrespect that I barely know where to start.

First and foremost, Kelsey Grammer and his ex, Camille, have two children together. How would you feel if your stepmother dressed up as your Mom for Halloween? Hurt? Confused? Angry? The children are placed in a terrible position because two of their parents were only thinking of themselves. They love their Mom. Yet, they love their Dad, too. Now, they have to hide their feelings because it is a lose-lose proposition for them. Plus, what are you teaching them?  Is this the foundation of bullying?

Remembering that core mantra of step parenting school, “Shame the parent, Shame the child”. When you are cruel to a biological parent, there is a direct line to the child. The pain you inflict makes a direct hit for your children, as well as the ex. Theoretically, the adults have the skills to put this behavior in perspective. How do the kids reconcile this type of teasing?  In this day and age, do you really think the kids aren’t going to see these pictures?

I like to have a good time as much as the next guy. I am not naive to the fact that divorce opens the door to a lot of banter and jokes. I get it. Once you decide to be a parent, free speech is gone. Walk a mile in your kids’ shoes. On this one, Kelsey and Kayte, you showed bad form.

5 Responses to Stepmother Help- NEVER DO THIS! EVER! – to yourself, your stepchildren or the Ex

  1. As tempting as it is to snatch an opportunity to pick on your ex’s partner, it’s not worth it. If you have built-up angst that needs to be let out, find other ways to express it that the children don’t see or hear.

    Another issue that comes up is if the bio-parent tells the children he/she is being mistreated even if they aren’t, leading the children to feel hurt by their step-parent. I’d love to hear your thoughts on how to handle this.

    • Here are my thoughts. I like to look at the world as divided between those things I can control and those things that I can’t control. Unless your husband can stop the banter, I view these comments as the things I can’t control. My belief is to stay focused on yourself. Be yourself and be consistent. Have faith in your children that they have good instincts. Of course, they want to believe and protect their bio parents at all cost, but they will figure things out over time. Usually, the kids don’t say anything. Are they asking you about specific behaviors?

  2. “Once you decide to be a parent free speech is gone.” This is so true. Sometimes the world gives you impossibly easy openings for snarky comments. It can be excruciating to just stand there with my mouth shut while she is doing and saying idiotic things. I have learned it is best to say to myself, “What am I gaining from saying this?” before I speak. It doesn’t always work..but I am getting better at it. Just today I didn’t yell, “Mother of the Year!” when the ex told my husband that she would (again) not make it to our sons soccer game. I was very proud of that.
    Seriously though, your point is very true. Snide comments benefit nobody. Dressing up for Halloween as your partners ex is truly out of line.

    • I should have also included in the blog that Kelsey and Kayte owe their children, as well as their mother an apology. Now, they would really be parenting and teaching their kids something important.

  3. Just came across this site – some interesting stories here. A public bashing of anyone is toxic and ridiculing the mother in front of the children makes no sense and is harmful to them. Describing the bio-mom in whatever terms fit her behavior is absolutely acceptable when the children are not in earshot. Being a bio-mom doesn’t make anyone beyond raproach.

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