Stepmother Lament: When Will I Get Justice?

Stepmothers, Stepfamily, Remarriage, Ex-Wife, Stepchildren
When Will Stepmothers Get Their Justice?

When will I get justice?  Have you ever thought about justice?  I know that I have. Does any of this sound familiar?

“I do all of this work.  When will someone thank me?”

” I am always the one picking up the pieces.  Yet, I never get asked.  It’s just assumed I’ll watch the kids or cook the meals.”

“I am everyone’s doormat.”


Justice=Fairness, right? When you think about the concept of justice, it is very simple, yet complicated issue.  Justice is a cornerstone of the United States.  We want everyone to be treated the same.  This concept is illustrated by the blindfold worn by the lady holding the scales of justice.  We should all be treated the same, regardless of skin color, religion or origin.  You rarely hear justice for people of different marital orders, i.e. the first, second, third and fourth wives should all be treated the same.  One wife should not be given more power than another.  All wives and/or partners are created equal.  Therefore, one cannot impose on another.

Now, that we have included stepmoms and all moms into the justice system.  What are the rules?

  • Stepmothers are not required to cook for, clean or pick up after their stepchildren.
  • Stepmothers are considered a gift to the family…a welcomed addition.  You respect her, but expect nothing.
  • If bio parents would like the stepmother to help, they must make a formal, joint request, preferably, in writing.  In this way, there are no misunderstandings.
  • Stepmothers may choose to do the tasks noted above.  Any task must be followed by a ‘thank you’ by the recipient. Stepmothers reserve the right to refuse any request.  In these cases, understandings are clear that she is not obligated.  Her job is to love her partner and live her life as she sees fit.

What if justice is not served? What if the rules are not followed?  How should the predators be punished?  Here are some thoughts:

  • No one can ask the stepmother for any favors for one month.
  • If you break punishment #1 above, then the family members must wait on the stepmother for a month.
  • If all is lost, the last punishment is that the stepmother is sent to a retreat, at the partner/ex-wife expense.  (Retreat means spa)

Life is not fair.  Life may not be just.  As silly as the rules and requirements mentioned above may sound, there is a grain of truth in there.  Justice is one of those concepts that seems so easy to understand and we long for it. Somehow, we take it personally when we don’t get justice.  In our minds, justice=unworthy.  Herein goes the illogical belief.  Lack of justice is not a personal issue. Fairness is a moving target.  If justice exists, it comes over time.  There may be days where we feel tremendous insecurity and other days where we are joyous.  It is the nature of life.  The constant search for justice may not be the best way to spend your valuable time.  A good place to begin your search may be in your mirror.  You may get better results.







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