Stepmoms Lament #4: Happy Valentine’s Day, But Do I Have to Love My Stepchildren? – The Evil Stepmother Speaks

Stepmoms: Like in Nature, Let’s Bond in Our Own Time

#Happy Valentine’s Day!  I always feel pressured to do something on these holidays.  Frankly, it can be annoying.  (Bah! Humbug!)  I think I just don’t like being forced to do something.  Is there anyone else that feels this way?

In that same vein, I often hear from stepmoms that they feel pressured to love their stepchildren.  Just like many of us feel pressured to perform on these holidays.  When you think about it, we are all pressured. We already know that the kids are pressured to deal with us, since we often move into their homes.  They usually don’t get a ‘say’ in choosing us.  We don’t get a say in choosing them either.  So, we are in a ‘forced love’ pressure cooker.  That’s just no fun.

I propose that we need time to date each other.  Dating is supposed to be that time when you get to know one another and you have fun!  Why not date your stepchildren? No pressure.  Ask them to do fun things with you.  Tell them your life story.  Tell them your hobbies and your dreams.  The same as you would do on a date.  Like a date, you have hopes that the relationship will work out and end in a permanent, loving relationship.

What if it doesn’t work out?  What if you don’t fall in love with each other?  It’s okay.  Just like there is no need to hate a person that you dated, there is no need to hate your stepchildren.  It is okay to have a pleasant relationship with mutual respect.  We both shouldn’t pressure ourselves into becoming madly in love.  Who knows?  Anything can happen over time.  Just relax and enjoy the comaraderie.

Quick Tip:  We don’t need to be with the kids and their bio parent everywhere they go.  Give those relationships some breathing room.  Once in awhile, let them be alone.