• Stepfamilies & Money: To Share or Not to Share the #Family #Finances – Stepfamily Advice

  • To Share or Not To Share? That is the Money Question for Stepfamilies

    Should we share our money with our stepchildren? The ex-wife?  I find this subject fascinating as there are as many answers as there are stepfamilies.  I had so much fun interviewing Emily Bouchard, Stepfamily Wealth Manager and Coach because the entire topic of money can be un-ending and up-ending.

    Would you consider sleeping with someone without having the conversation about safe sex first? I like to think that the answer is “no!”  But, we think nothing of marrying people without having a full discussion about money and its management.  If you are dating someone who has been married previously and has children within that union, there is a good chance that he has a child support and/or alimony commitment.  This makes his/her paycheck smaller.  Good chance that you, as the new step parent, may be a major breadwinner.  Also, your spouse makes less than when he was married to his first wife.  Why?  He has child support payments!!!  These payments do not stand alone in his financial obligations to his children.  Other things always come up.  Cell phones?  Cars?  Camp?  College expenses?  (Need I go on?)

    What are your views on sharing your income with your stepchildren?  Day to day expenses?  Future expenses (like college)?  Bank accounts:  separate, together or both?  What about a pre-nup?

    If you have children, how do they fit into the financial picture?  Can you envision having future children and how they fit into your financial distributions?

    Are you avoiding the conversations because it is uncomfortable?

    Money is an uncomfortable issue, especially when you have a strong propensity for not wanting to look ‘selfish’.  Money conversations test our value systems.  They also test our weaknesses.  Do you want to be a martyr?   Have the conversation. If you are married and have never had these talks, have them now. Be honest up front about how you feel and you can avoid some major discomfort later.

    Step parenting and money is a no-win situation.

    The reality is that step parenting and money is a no-win situation.  One way or the other, you share your assets.  You can pretend that monies are in separate accounts, etc. but the bottom line is that your resources are always going to be split with other people.  It is the reality of the game.

    (You can hear us laughing and talking about stepfamily management on the recording below.  Emily and I hope that we helped you in some way.)

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