I Feel Like the 5th Wheel! – Stepmother Help from The Evil Stepmother Speaks

Stepmothers Often Feel Like the Fifth Wheel! Or, Even the Third Wheel

Have you ever felt like a 5th wheel in your family?  I certainly have!  I have been a stepmother for over 20 years and I still have those moments.  You know what I’m talking about.  There is a family party and you feel as if you don’t belong.  There is a family life cycle event and you feel like you don’t know where you should sit.  What about the times that you are with the family and the discussions turn to memories and stories that happened “before your time”?  Sometimes, I feel as if being a stepmother is very similar to going along with your girlfriend and her boyfriend on a date.  Definitely a 5th wheel!

How can you rid yourself of this feeling?  First, understand that these feelings are coming from our own heads and thoughts.  It is another example of how our brains search for the story line in our lives.  Does this sound familiar?  “They are purposely talking about things that happened before my time.  Don’t they realize that I’m here?  It’s creepy and I just want to leave.”  Or, “I can’t believe that they sat me here.  They want me to feel like an outcast.  I’m the wife and I should be sitting up front!”  Ask yourself, “Is this true?  Do you know positively, 100% that your family is after you?”  If you were to be honest, the answer is probably, “I  really can’t prove any of the thoughts I am having.”  Think of another possible scenario like, “No one is giving us a moment’s thought.  Everyone likes/love us.” I would be willing to bet that this is closer to the real truth.

Secondly, think of these lonely, ‘5th wheel’ moments as a beautiful break.  If others are talking about past histories, sit back and listen.  The stories are often touching and you can learn a lot about your family.  Also,  you don’t have to talk.  This is nice.  No need to say anything.  Frankly, I enjoy these moments.  If you find yourself at a family party, sitting at a table that dismays you, I promise that you are sitting with the fun people.  Introduce yourself and meet new people.  Once again, there are no expectations.  It is a wonderful thing.

Imagining that you are a 5th wheel feels like you are unappreciated.  Remember that these feelings are coming from stories and traditions from way back.  It is all the brain has ever heard, so it is sending anxiety throughout your body.  Reject this anxiety and envision yourself as a free spirit, rolling down the road and whistling a sweet tune.  The 5th wheel is quite freeing.