Recently, I started painting. I love doing it. Yet, I have no attachment to it. When I am painting, it is for the pure joy of it. My first painting was chosen in a juried exhibition and now sits in a gallery. Sorry, but that’s crazy. I am convinced the piece was chosen because I am just not attached to it. In fact, every time my artwork is mentioned, I start laughing and I cannot explain why. It’s just so funny.
Parenting is the same way, both bio parenting and step parenting. Love your children, but have no attachments. What would love look like if us parents had no expectations? The children would not have to be brilliant or feel as if they have to be perfect. Children would not have to like you or love you.
How do you know if you have attachments? Anxiety is the key. If you feel anxious, then you know that you have expectations. Take a moment and get clean. That is, be honest and write down your true expectations. Tell me if I’m wrong, but I believe that most step moms really want their stepchildren to love and like them. I certainly did. What if we just loved them and got rid of those expectations? By definition, we couldn’t be disappointed.
Love without attachment is the sweet spot of life. It is not easy to do, but worth striving for. It is totally irresistible to those on the receiving end.
P.S. As a certified Martha Beck life coach, I wanted you to know that these concepts were inspired by Dr. Martha Beck’s blog. Take a look at it. As always, Dr. Beck is brilliant. http://bit.ly/pp7j8x