Stepmothers! MAKE YOUR FAMILY HOME BASE-Wise Stepmother Advice

Home base, parenting, families, stepfamilies, love, acknowledgment
Children Always Know When They Are Home Even If The Stepmother Is There!

A wise advisor told me to always be ‘home base’ to my children.  She said that physical custody had nothing to do with being home base.  For some reason, this advice resonated with me.  I knew exactly what she meant.  Although, as a stepmother, I worried if I could do it.

Home base meant a place to which you always came back.  It made you feel as if you scored when you were there.  It was a safe place and you wanted to revisit it.  The funny thing about home base was that the quantity of visits meant nothing.  If you visited home base once or one hundred times, it always felt great to be there.

People are pretty simple beings when you get down to it.  Humans want to be acknowledged and feel important.  They want to be heard.  When your children feel acknowledged, they will feel like champions.  It doesn’t matter whether you have your children full time or not, they will know when they are on home base.

6 Responses to Stepmothers! MAKE YOUR FAMILY HOME BASE-Wise Stepmother Advice

  1. This is different in some ways, but I went to boarding school and returning to my parents was definitely always home base, despite months of separation.

    • I will bet that the feelings are the same, whether you are at boarding school or away from a parent for any other reason. I appreciate the comment.

  2. This is great advice. Can you expand on some of the things you did while your kids were growing up (and now) to make your home a home base? How do we accomplish that?

    • I have a few suggestions:
      1. Keeping your energy positive (I read some of your other comments, so I think you have this one down). This includes no bad mouthing of their mom, etc., etc.
      2. Many times when the kids would come over, I had freshly baked brownies ready. It gives the house a great smell and fun. (Choose your thing)
      3. I like to cook meals, whenever possible. I am a working mom, so that wasn’t perfect, but you get the idea. Per #2, meals that are ‘stick to your ribs’ and homey stuff like meat loaf or a great tuna casserole…I always made that the mainstay. People’s sense of smell is their strongest sense, so when your home is filled with these types of smells, it gives a message.
      4. Being consistent in who you are and what you stand for. It’s so horrible that these kids are going back and forth and back and forth…it’s so nice to come to a consistent place.
      5. Giving in. You know what I mean here. There are times that things are just unfair. Be the ones that give in. It’s okay. The kids appreciate this more than you know.

      Does any of this help?

  3. Yes, this is very helpful. I never thought about that regarding the smells – I didn’t know it is the strongest sense but now that I think about it… To this day, if I go to visit my parents’ house and my mom happens to be cooking something at the time I arrive, smelling those aromas at the same moment I walk in the door is pretty much one of the greatest feelings!

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