As a stepmom, I secretly always thought to myself…what would I rather do? Face Mother’s Day or poke my eyes out with sticks? I choose the second option. If step moms were going to be honest, they would tell you that Mother’s Day is a nightmare.
Mother’s Day is a guiltfest for the stepchildren. It is just a lose-lose proposition for them. If they spend the day with their bio mom, then there is a chance their step mom and/or their dad will be angry with them. If you spend any time with your step mom, there is a good chance that your bio mom will be mad.
Sometimes, the children have to measure exactly what they are doing so that the presents or events are ‘better’ for their bio mom. Can you imagine trying to decide how to celebrate every year? The whole event is just exhausting.
Here is what has worked for me. Let the whole Mother’s Day thing go. If you think about it, the day does not really mean anything. Our thoughts give the day meaning. Tell your stepchildren that they are off the hook and to enjoy the day with their bio mom. Then, create a special day that works for you. Do something that you really enjoy and invite your stepchildren to join you. Play tennis. Go bowling. Take a hike. Take a cooking class. Whatever you do, label it with a fun title like: “She’s Not My Mother Bowling Classic” or “Cooking with the Woman Who is Not My Mother”. Then, add a ‘winner’ to the day. So, one of your lucky stepchildren will be come the champion of the bowling tournament or the top chef. Present a fun award.
Next year, your stepchildren will be begging you to repeat the event. Try it. It will work. Email me your stories at barb@TheEvilStepmotherSpeaks.com.