Evil Stepmother Speaks: #SherylSandberg says to “Lean In”, Stepmoms Lean Way Over!

Lean In? Stepmoms Feel as if We Have Leaned Over!

Lean in.  It is the latest phrase to encourage women to be more professionally aggressive, fact-based and take more risks in the workplace.  The term has been coined by Sheryl Sandberg, Chief Operating Officer at Facebook, released her book, Lean In:  Women, Work and the Will to Lead.  If you were to ask a stepmother if they need to lean in to their families, most would tell you that we have already leaned over.  We have allowed people to take advantage of us.  In fact, most of us feel as if we need to stand up.  Yet, it may be worth the time to take a closer look at Ms. Sandberg’s book.

Lean In has already sold over 140,000 copies and opened the conversation about women and business.  Ms. Sandberg’s hypothesis is that women hinder their own career progress by backing away from positions of leadership and the risks and challenges that leadership presents.  Ms. Sandberg encourages women to lean into challenges and take risks.

As a past employee in corporate America, I happen to agree with Ms. Sandberg’s thinking.  I think that this same behavior can be seen in our homes, as well as our business lives.  As a stepmother, I wonder if we have really taken a back seat in our families and not exhibited true leadership.  By the way, leadership is not barking orders, but walking the talk and showing others the way forward.  It means taking the risk that our family members will not like us.  It means taking a long-term view.

Who wants to discuss the role of the stepmother? In Lean In, Ms. Sandberg writes about the relationship between men and women in the workplace.  She says that most men would rather avoid the topic of female diversity.  Why?  Men perceive this topic as one that is fraught with danger.  It is best to avoid it, if possible.  She is right.  This same avoidance can certainly be seen in a stepfamily.

Who really wants to talk about their stepmother and her role in the household?  That conversation is fraught with danger.  Why?  Family members’ feelings will be hurt and it is just not worth taking the risk of emotional suicide.  Do we really encourage professional conversations about our family’s diversity?  Should we lean in to those conversations?

Who mentors a stepmother?  In the corporate world, it has been shown that those employees who have mentors perform better.  Yet, traditionally, most men do not want to mentor female employees for fear that their time together will be misconstrued.  We need more men to take on this role and Ms. Sandberg encourages them to do so.  If mentorship is effective in companies, one could assume that it would be just as effective in all of our life’s roles.

How often do stepmothers reach out to other stepmothers or stepfathers to garner best practices?  Not enough.  We tend to hide in the shadows until there is an emergency and panic. We get our temporary solution and move on. Since the divorce rate for second marriages with children is approximately 75%, the current situation is not working.  It is time to lean in and grab those mentors.  We are out there.  Google us.

Like businesswomen, stepmothers need to be brave.  It is time for us to acknowledge our strengths and the benefits we bring to our families.  We all know the imagery.  Men show leadership and women are bossy or bitchy.  Since stepmothers already carry the negative labels, we should be the ones to lean in and proclaim our value.  (Even if we have to lean over once in awhile!)