Category Archives: Humor

4 Tips to Avoid the Summer Divorce Schedule Blues

Lions! Tigers and Bears! Oh my, It's the Summer Season!
Lions! Tigers and Bears! Oh my, It’s the Summer Season!

Oh, boy!  The school year is ending and for many of us it means that the children’s schedules are changing.  We may have the kids for half the summer or camp schedules are starting.  First tip is to remember that every time there is a change, even if it is minor, it will get exaggerated in a divorced family.  Why?  It triggers feelings of uncertainty.  The schedule has changed and we just don’t feel safe.  Our thoughts may go something like this:

* “I just know that she’ll mess with the schedule and ruin our vacation plans.”

* “I just dread taking all the kids on vacation.  It may be a vacation for everyone else, but not me.”

* “Does the ex ever pay for any of these extra activities? She feels so entitled.”

A trigger is just that…a trigger.  It means that we have associated fear and anxiety with something. When the summer schedule changes, our flight or fight mechanism believes that we are at risk because of the thoughts associated with the summer. The fact is that we will all survive the summer and have fun while we are doing it.  Here are 3 tips to avoid those summer divorce schedule blues.

  1. Clear Agreements
    There is nothing worse than a fuzzy schedule for the kids. This is a sure way to get your wires crossed with your ex and have your plans ruined.  Be sure all agreements are in writing as well as having a confirmation meeting to review the details: pick up times, drop off times, any written permissions you may need from the other parent and a general idea of where everyone is going.
  2. Talk to Yourself
    As soon as you start to feel anxious, talk to yourself. Say something like this, “You are fine. Nothing is scary and everyone means well. I wish myself, the kids, their Mom and everyone well. We are all good.”  Breathe.  If you like to exercise, do it. If you like to write, journal your thoughts. These techniques trick the brain into calming down.
  3. Fight the Urge to be the Only Vacation Organizer
    For those of us that like to control everything, fight the urge to be the only vacation organizer. By taking on this role, be cognizant that you will add to your frustration. You will be looking for everyone’s approval.  If a plan goes wrong, your upset will be heightened. You will be looking for acknowledgement which is a road that will lead to disappointment and resentment.  Divide the vacation planning duties among the adults that are going along.
  4. 3. Try to Get Adult Time
    Know thyself. If you know that you are a person that needs quiet time, schedule it as a vacation activity. Let someone else take the kids and take your nap or walk.  This activity is just as valuable as the visit to Seaworld or the beach time.  If possible, get a babysitter for a night or two.
  5. Communicate with the Other Parent
    Be sure the kids are keeping in contact with the other parent. Let them know that they are safe. Do not let Facebook do this communication for them.  Using social media can be a passive aggressive communication tool when you are divorced.  Be up front and clear.  Let the other parent know the time when you are on your way home.  Treat them the way you would want to be treated.

Your attitude can make the summer schedule miserable or fun.  Go into it organized with activities and with the approach that it will be an adventure.  Give everyone a break with the knowledge that the initial transition days will pass.  You will survive with flying colors.

Who is that Stepmother Woman?

It is easy to think of the stepmother as that woman your ex partner married.  If the stepmother is just that woman who is in the house, it lessens the pain of the divorce and the consequences that failed relationship has brought.  After all, the worst part of a divorce is the consequences wrought upon… Continue Reading

The Mommy-isms We All Know and Love. Isn’t it time for a Stepmommy-ism?

I love mommy-isms.  You know what they are.  They are the classic expressions that your mother used and you swore that you would never say.  But, then, you find that you are saying them.  Some are wise.  Some are ridiculous.  Some are downright horrible and some would generate a call to your state’s child protective… Continue Reading

Are Stepmoms like the Substitute Teacher?

Is the #stepmom the same as the substitute (sub) teacher?  Remember when you were in school and the sub came in?  The mere thought of it gets my heart racing in glee.  My brain starts calculating how I can mess with her.  Actually, I am really waiting for the bad kids to start messing with… Continue Reading

The Evil Stepmother Speaks: Tip #6 Stepfamily Life Feeling Depressing? Try Stepmother Whimsy!

I felt compelled to write this blog when I saw the video of the Southwest Airlines flight from Phoenix to Los Angeles.  This is so great!  Singer Gavin DeGraw was on the flight.  Southwest Airlines asked or paid him to sing to the customers during the flight.  It was completely impromptu for the passengers.  The… Continue Reading

The Evil Stepmom Admits, “I Want a Knight in Shining Armor!”

Okay, I’ll admit it.  I want a Knight in Shining Armor.  I want my Knight to follow me around and defend me at all costs.  I do not need him to be my bodyguard, like the bodyguard of a celebrity or politician.  I need him to defend my thoughts, wants and desires.  I need him… Continue Reading

The Stepmother and the Ex-Wife Deserve New Boobs

Do you have those girlfriends who just know everyone?  I have a few of them.  Last week, I attended a charity event and my well-informed girlfriends started talking about the other people.  I must admit that it is fun listening to them, but I never know the people they are talking about.  Here is the… Continue Reading

Stepmothers, Don’t You Think We Need a Stepmom Pageant?

As I was watching the #SAG Awards last night, I realized that I am now on my second awards show for actors.  (The Golden Globes were two weeks ago.)  And, I still have the main, big daddy of them all coming up, The Academy Awards.  In addition, there was the Miss America Pageant a few… Continue Reading

STEPMOTHERS HELP: 3 TIPS TO A PEACEFUL 2013

2013 will be a more peaceful year for stepmothers, stepfathers and step families throughout the world.  I just feel it.  As a New Year’s Gift to all step parents, I am offering 3 tips to provide more peace to your families in 2013.   Admittedly, these tips are very ‘whoo-whoo’.  When you read them, you may… Continue Reading

Stepmother Help- NEVER DO THIS! EVER! – to yourself, your stepchildren or the Ex

Never do this. Period. The current Mrs. Kelsey Grammer, Kayte Grammer) dressed up as the ex Mrs. Kelsey Grammer for Halloween.  Thanks!  This is just the type of public relations all of us stepmothers need.  Damn! Hey, Kelsey and Kayte,  your costumes are not funny and shows such disrespect that I barely know where to… Continue Reading