Category Archives: Gossip

The Stepfamily and Life: It Is All About the Playground

stepfamily help, stepmother, stepmother help
Stepfamiles and Life Are All About the Playground

It’s the end of the year. There have been holidays, custody changes, vacations and aggravations. There have also been feelings of extreme joy. Some of us have received notes of love and appreciation from our stepchildren and/or our partners. Some of us feel peace in the knowing that we are making a home base for our children. For some, we still feel used, invisible and disrespected.

We all share these “Moments”. My years of experience have not saved me from these feelings, but it has given me the tools to get out of it. It has given me the wisdom to know that all things will pass. It has also given me the skills to decide where my boundary is: what is and what isn’t worth fighting for. At the end of the day, we are on the playground.

Life is a big playground. No matter what how old you get, those childhood memories of wanting to have a friend or feeling rejected by the kids on the playground are just lodged in your head. Your heart still falls to the ground, but, those feelings are strictly a reaction to the trigger event that set you off. So, when a group went on a walk and didn’t want you to come, you are back at that space when the girls in high school didn’t invite you to the party. Guess what? You immediately revert back to that age of the trigger event. When you know that, you can just sit in the feelings, realizing that your brain is just recalling your early years.

Feeling alone? Unwanted? Unliked? Disrespected?

Step #1: Call the trusty girlfriend who lets you whine and be stupid. I am hoping that you guys feel comfortable doing the same at Stepmom Life Class or by communicating with me directly.

Step #2: Sit in the stillness. Do nothing everyday for 15 minutes. If you resist this idea, (I don’t have the time), ask yourself, “Why am I resisting?” Enjoy and feel that resistance. It’s the universe talking to you. What hurts? What painful story are you telling myself? Is it working?

Step #3: Your desire. What is your desire? Your desire can be huge like pursuing an educational degree or wacky like painting a wall with polka dots. Either way, write your desires down and do something everyday to move towards it. Even if the move is a teeny, tiny one, do it.

Step #4: Give yourself a treat everyday. One treat is for a risk you are taking. Two treats are for you being you. No exceptions to this rule. Your treats should be anything that makes you smile. What taste do you love? What smell do you love? What do you love to see? Hear?

Step #5: Answer these questions and remind yourself:

  • People often compliment me on my ability to….
  • I am proud that I have the discipline to…
  • Even when I don’t feel like it, I….

Step #6: Play

We are back to the beginning. It is so important to remind yourself to play hard. Human beings have a natural instinct for play. Imagine yourself on the playground with the knowledge that play is sacred. Imagine that you have the knowledge to put the bullying in its place and loving yourself unconditionally.

I’ll meet you on the monkey bars!

~Barb~

A Stepmother Asks “How Do I Stop Myself from Asking about the Ex-Wife?”

Do you ever find yourself asking your partner: “What did she/he say?” “No, really, tell me what happened.” “I don’t care what she does.” Next moment. “Tell me what she did.” Do you feel as if you can’t seem to stop yourself? Does it feel as if you are addicted? So, why are we talking… Continue Reading

Who is that Stepmother Woman?

It is easy to think of the stepmother as that woman your ex partner married.  If the stepmother is just that woman who is in the house, it lessens the pain of the divorce and the consequences that failed relationship has brought.  After all, the worst part of a divorce is the consequences wrought upon… Continue Reading

Stepmothers and Mothers Are Back In High School

Have you ever felt as if your stepfamily life mirrored your high school years?  Girls talking about one another?  Never feeling as if you were good enought?  Pretty enough?  Smart enough?  (Sounds like the SNL character Stuart Smalley) Life in high school was stressful. It was like you were uncomfortable in your own skin, right?… Continue Reading

The Stepfamily Definition of Stupidity

They say that the definition of stupidity is doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result.  If we were to be honest with ourselves, do we do the same things?  Do we avoid the hard work associated with change?  Do we want to avoid any vulnerability to our stepfamily members? Do… Continue Reading

The Ex-Wife and the Evil Stepmother Speak

I always wanted to tape  a frank conversation between a stepmother and a Mother.  I always had this theory that if we could hear each other, we may think differently about the way we think, act and speak.  I am anxious to hear your feedback on the conversation. This is a personal conversation between me… Continue Reading

The Stepmother and the Ex-Wife Deserve New Boobs

Do you have those girlfriends who just know everyone?  I have a few of them.  Last week, I attended a charity event and my well-informed girlfriends started talking about the other people.  I must admit that it is fun listening to them, but I never know the people they are talking about.  Here is the… Continue Reading

A Step Family’s View in Review: Olympic Love, Celebrity Arguments and Tragedy in Connecticut

The Step Family 2012 Year in Review is a study of love, traditional step family frustrations and a lesson in step family perspective.  Three events come to mind. The Olympics where we all witnessed the deep devotion and love of a stepfather for his son. The gossip between Brandi Glanville and LeAnn Rimes continued.  Both… Continue Reading

Best Stepmother Advice! Ever Been Tattled On? Do You Live with a Tattletaler?

Ever been tattled on?  You know what I mean.  Someone tattle taled on you.  Remember tattletaling?  Let me refresh your memory.  According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a tattletale is an informer.  Here are the synonyms listed within the dictionary definition: Synonyms: betrayer, canary [slang], deep throat, fink, informant, nark [British], rat, rat fink, snitch, snitcher,… Continue Reading