Category Archives: Divorce

STEPMOTHER LAMENT: TRY TO SEE IT MY WAY!

Many of you have asked about how the Couples Retreat went.  As you may be aware, Jenna Korf and I held our first Couples Retreat last weekend (June, 2017).  It was an ultimate dream for us.  After all, what would be better than to have a chance to coach both Dad and Stepmom together?  Nothing is better than that!

Let me share the gist of the weekend. We taught partnership.  When you truly think about most complaints that plague step couples, powerlessness and disrespect are front and center. The lack of true partnership rears its ugly head.  When you act as a team, the right hand knows what the left hand is doing.  Decisions are made together.  Then, those decisions get executed down to the children.  Yes, “down” to the children.  If you are looking up and seeing the children at the top of your family organization chart, that is not  partnership or leadership.

For those of you that find yourself feeling as if you are last in line, your natural question may be, “How do we change our family dynamics?”  The answer is that you invest in your partnership.  You go to school.  You educate yourself.  Stop pretending as if you can figure everything out on your own.  None of us can.  The Couples Retreat will reappear on our Retreat schedule next year as well.  (www.StepmomSanctuaryRetreat.com)  Before then, we have one more Stepmom Retreat scheduled for October, 2017.  Either program is life changing and marriage saving.  You can check out our testimonials page and see what our participants’ thought.)

Did I mention that members of my family participated in the retreat?  We did a real life Q & A with adult stepchildren, bio children and my husband. Any question was okay and nothing was rehearsed.  I found it quite moving and I plan on extending invitations to family members to join us at future retreats.  The most important part was that I cooked all weekend!  Yes, I cooked lunch and  yummy snacks and everyone loved them.  (At least that’s what they said!) So, if you would like your partner to “try to see it your way” and vice versa, we would love to meet you.

All the best,

Barb

 

A Stepmother Wall! And The Family Will Pay For It!

If you have ever been told that you do too much for others, this blog is for you.  Do you feel that you can’t say ‘no’ to people?  Are you sorry you said ‘yes’ and then resent it later?  Welcome to the club of people that know what it feels like to be used.  The… Continue Reading

I ENTERED THE OLYMPICS WITHOUT TRAINING

Would you enter an Olympic event without training?  Envision yourself diving into the pool next to Michael Phelps.  Stand next to Simone Biles and, together, perform a floor exercise.  Meet Katie Ledecky at the pool and race her in the 400 metre free style.  Close your eyes and see yourself in any of these scenarios. … Continue Reading

Who Would Buy from a Stepmom Store?

When I heard that Marni Price had invented a website called Stepmom Gifts, I was surprised.  A store devoted totally to gifts for stepmoms, reminded me of the scotch tape store sketch that was on Saturday Night Live years ago.  (If you don’t remember it, google it or check out Hulu.)  The joke was about… Continue Reading

4 Tips to Avoid the Summer Divorce Schedule Blues

Oh, boy!  The school year is ending and for many of us it means that the children’s schedules are changing.  We may have the kids for half the summer or camp schedules are starting.  First tip is to remember that every time there is a change, even if it is minor, it will get exaggerated… Continue Reading

I Hate Feeling So Resentful!

Don’t you hate feeling resentment?  Resentment is that feeling of doing things that you just don’t want to do, yet feel obligated to do.  When I feel resentment, I feel as if I am being childish. I feel guilty and I feel bad about me.  Usually feelings of resentment center around thoughts that we have… Continue Reading

How to Resist Terrorism at Home

When you are at war, you feel alone, isolated and as if no one cares about you. Think about it.  Have you ever argued with someone and found yourself repeating the story over and over again in an effort to get people to be ‘on your side’? This is your effort to not feel alone… Continue Reading

Stepmoms: Are We Too Harsh on the Ex?

Haven’t we all said it or thought it.  Here is the rant. That ex is insane! I mean it. Really insane. How can a mother treat her children that way? That ex is so mean to my partner.  She is completely unreasonable.  What the hell, Bitch? The question is whether or not we are being… Continue Reading

Stepmother’s Lament: OMG! I’m a Nag!

Do you recognize yourself? When was the last time you pointed out a negative characteristic of your partner?  Their ex wife?  Their children?  If you do not have to think very hard, this blog may be for you. Nagging.  By definition, nagging is the pointing out of negative qualities to someone.  It is the ultimate… Continue Reading

Stepmother Lament: I Will Always Be An Outsider

“This family makes me feel like an outsider. I do all this work and I am still an outsider. When will I ever feel like I belong?” It’s a common stepmother lament. We cook, clean, run errands, pick up kids, buy them clothes and, yet, we feel like a third wheel. It is just this… Continue Reading