Category Archives: Being Alone

Stepmother Lament: He Doesn’t Do Anything for Me!

stepmother, step family, blended, divorce, mother, parenting, remarriage
Stepmothers Often Do All the Work

Once, I did a podcast called “I May Not be First on the List, But Can I Get on the List?”  In this podcast, I was highlighting a common feeling among stepmothers.  It feels as if we are just not important.  It is like we are invisible.  In fact, the only time that we become really visible is when work has to be done:  picking kids up, packing lunches, doing laundry, keeping the house in some sort of viable shape and cooking meals.

To make matters worse, we sometimes wonder, “Does he ever think about planning a romantic moment for me?”  Intellectually, we know that our partners are as overwhelmed as we are, yet, we long for that feeling of being loved.  We don’t want to have to tell him that we want him to plan that weekend or purchase that thoughtful gift.  We just want him to do it…without being asked or prodded.  After all, he should know that we need romantic encouragement.  He should know how important this is to us. We’ve told him a million times.

Here’s the bottom line.  I already feel as if I have to plan everything.  For once, I want him to do something….something for me…without being asked and without me planning anything.

On the surface, our request is a reasonable one.  In reality, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment.  Most men need to be told what you want.  If you know what you want for your birthday, tell them.  If you want to go to a certain place for a weekend, tell them.  Give them the phone numbers of the hotel.  You may have to make the arrangements.  Trust me that when you receive that gift or go on that weekend, the meaning will not be tainted by the fact that you had to tell your man what you need.  This idea that gifts and/or getaways only have meaning when someone else guesses what you want or makes the reservations is a faulty one.

What is important is that your partner showed up. He showed up with that gift.  He showed up on that date.  Start here.  Thank your partner profusely for what he is able to do.  Once he sees your happiness, he will start to do more.

You see, your partner wants your happiness more than anything else in the world.  It may not show everyday, but that is your man’s main goal.

stepmother, step family, blended, divorce, mother, parenting, remarriage
Stepmothers Often Do All the Work

You can test this theory.  Start telling him every time you are happy. Even if you have to do the ‘work’, book that date and tell him how happy you are to be there.  No complaining about how he did nothing.  If you follow this plan, I promise you will see a man who will start to book things. Guaranteed.

A Stepmother Wall! And The Family Will Pay For It!

If you have ever been told that you do too much for others, this blog is for you.  Do you feel that you can’t say ‘no’ to people?  Are you sorry you said ‘yes’ and then resent it later?  Welcome to the club of people that know what it feels like to be used.  The… Continue Reading

4 Tips to Avoid the Summer Divorce Schedule Blues

Oh, boy!  The school year is ending and for many of us it means that the children’s schedules are changing.  We may have the kids for half the summer or camp schedules are starting.  First tip is to remember that every time there is a change, even if it is minor, it will get exaggerated… Continue Reading

My Resentment is All-Consuming

When you feel resentful, do you feel disappointed in yourself?  Feel as if you are a bad or selfish person?  If you feel any of these things, know that you are not alone.  Resentment is that feeling you have when you are doing something that you just don’t want to do or that you feel… Continue Reading

I Hate Feeling So Resentful!

Don’t you hate feeling resentment?  Resentment is that feeling of doing things that you just don’t want to do, yet feel obligated to do.  When I feel resentment, I feel as if I am being childish. I feel guilty and I feel bad about me.  Usually feelings of resentment center around thoughts that we have… Continue Reading

How to Resist Terrorism at Home

When you are at war, you feel alone, isolated and as if no one cares about you. Think about it.  Have you ever argued with someone and found yourself repeating the story over and over again in an effort to get people to be ‘on your side’? This is your effort to not feel alone… Continue Reading

Stepmother Lament: I Will Always Be An Outsider

“This family makes me feel like an outsider. I do all this work and I am still an outsider. When will I ever feel like I belong?” It’s a common stepmother lament. We cook, clean, run errands, pick up kids, buy them clothes and, yet, we feel like a third wheel. It is just this… Continue Reading

The Stepmother Who Blames: Is That You? (Yup!)

Do you find yourself blaming others for your life situation? See if any of these ‘stepmother’ statements strike a chord with you: “These kids are a nightmare because their mother and father don’t discipline them. It is their fault. Our marriage is a nightmare because the ex tortures us. It is her fault. I cook,… Continue Reading

The Stepfamily and Life: It Is All About the Playground

It’s the end of the year. There have been holidays, custody changes, vacations and aggravations. There have also been feelings of extreme joy. Some of us have received notes of love and appreciation from our stepchildren and/or our partners. Some of us feel peace in the knowing that we are making a home base for… Continue Reading

Stepmom’s Lament: This is How I Feel. I Am Swimming Upstream.

I saw this image on the new Getty Images for Free site.  As soon as I saw it, I thought ‘this is how I feel sometimes’. I, along with my sister stepmoms, feel as if we are on the outside looking in. No matter how hard we knock on the glass, we can’t penetrate it. … Continue Reading