Category Archives: Adult Children

STEPMOTHER LAMENT: TRY TO SEE IT MY WAY!

Many of you have asked about how the Couples Retreat went.  As you may be aware, Jenna Korf and I held our first Couples Retreat last weekend (June, 2017).  It was an ultimate dream for us.  After all, what would be better than to have a chance to coach both Dad and Stepmom together?  Nothing is better than that!

Let me share the gist of the weekend. We taught partnership.  When you truly think about most complaints that plague step couples, powerlessness and disrespect are front and center. The lack of true partnership rears its ugly head.  When you act as a team, the right hand knows what the left hand is doing.  Decisions are made together.  Then, those decisions get executed down to the children.  Yes, “down” to the children.  If you are looking up and seeing the children at the top of your family organization chart, that is not  partnership or leadership.

For those of you that find yourself feeling as if you are last in line, your natural question may be, “How do we change our family dynamics?”  The answer is that you invest in your partnership.  You go to school.  You educate yourself.  Stop pretending as if you can figure everything out on your own.  None of us can.  The Couples Retreat will reappear on our Retreat schedule next year as well.  (www.StepmomSanctuaryRetreat.com)  Before then, we have one more Stepmom Retreat scheduled for October, 2017.  Either program is life changing and marriage saving.  You can check out our testimonials page and see what our participants’ thought.)

Did I mention that members of my family participated in the retreat?  We did a real life Q & A with adult stepchildren, bio children and my husband. Any question was okay and nothing was rehearsed.  I found it quite moving and I plan on extending invitations to family members to join us at future retreats.  The most important part was that I cooked all weekend!  Yes, I cooked lunch and  yummy snacks and everyone loved them.  (At least that’s what they said!) So, if you would like your partner to “try to see it your way” and vice versa, we would love to meet you.

All the best,

Barb

 

I ENTERED THE OLYMPICS WITHOUT TRAINING

Would you enter an Olympic event without training?  Envision yourself diving into the pool next to Michael Phelps.  Stand next to Simone Biles and, together, perform a floor exercise.  Meet Katie Ledecky at the pool and race her in the 400 metre free style.  Close your eyes and see yourself in any of these scenarios. … Continue Reading

The Stepfamily Definition of Stupidity

They say that the definition of stupidity is doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result.  If we were to be honest with ourselves, do we do the same things?  Do we avoid the hard work associated with change?  Do we want to avoid any vulnerability to our stepfamily members? Do… Continue Reading

The Boston Marathon Puts It All In Perspective

Today, April 15, 2013, will be remembered as the day that we will never feel completely safe when we participate in a marathon or other big community events.  All we know as of the writing of this blog is that two bombs went off at the finish line of the Boston Marathon.  At last count,… Continue Reading

Stepmothers: How To Stitch Together A Happy Valentine’s Day

When I think of Valentine’s Day, I think of all the stepmothers who spend their days and nights stitching hearts together.  We are the silent seamstresses who watch the family patterns.  When we see a piece of heart tear, we are quick to try to mend it.  We grab our sewing kits.  We find the… Continue Reading

Best Stepmother Advice! Ever Been Tattled On? Do You Live with a Tattletaler?

Ever been tattled on?  You know what I mean.  Someone tattle taled on you.  Remember tattletaling?  Let me refresh your memory.  According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a tattletale is an informer.  Here are the synonyms listed within the dictionary definition: Synonyms: betrayer, canary [slang], deep throat, fink, informant, nark [British], rat, rat fink, snitch, snitcher,… Continue Reading

What Would I Have Done? – The Stepmother’s Answer

I got divorced when my son was an infant.  In the very beginning, I didn’t hear from my ex’s family.  Understandable.  Through the creative love of a family member (Read my blog, The Best Book Ever Written), I reconnected with my in-laws and a love affair ensued between them and my son.  My son proceeded… Continue Reading

The Evil Stepmother Speaks-Shame the Parent, Shame the Child-Stepmother Help

If I were forced to give one piece of stepmother advice, this would be it:  Shame the Parent, Shame the Child.  It means no bad mouthing of bio parents. Bad mouthing means to say bad things about another or to criticize another.   It means no making faces when bio parents’ names are said.  It… Continue Reading

Stepmother Help: Where Is the Money Going in Your Stepfamily?

I don’t think you can ever talk too much about money and how it is being managed within our stepfamilies.  Money may be an issue of great divide or great avoidance.  But, we have to face it.  One of my greatest fears in taking on a stepmother role was, “What’s going to happen to me?” … Continue Reading

Stepmother Help-Has Our Step Parent Spokesperson Arrived?

The #Olympics are truly a portrait of human hopes and dreams.  This year amidst “the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat”[1], there was an athlete who may have changed the views of a society.  The world witnessed the unconditional love of a stepdad for his son.  Danell Leyva, a member of the United… Continue Reading