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Fences Can Be Quite Beautiful
Stepmother BoundariesYou have to be willing to take care of you, first. Dr. Maya Angelou said, “I have to be a ninny to ask someone else to take care of me, if I’m not willing to take care of myself.” Yet, isn’t that one of our core frustrations as a stepmother? No one seems willing to take care of us. Defend us. Take a stand for us. Maybe, as Dr. Angelou implies, it is enough that we take care of ourselves. Once we take care of ourselves, will other people follow suit?
What does taking care of us truly mean? Certainly eating right and exercising and caring for our physical bodies are important. It shows self-respect. Somehow, I feel that Dr. Angelou was also talking about how we take care of ourselves spiritually and emotionally. It may seem counter intuitive, but one of the most impactful ways we can take care of ourselves is by presenting clean boundaries. That is, you have to learn how to say “no”. You have to learn how to set a boundary.
There is an art and a science to setting boundaries. Think about physical boundaries. A fence between homes or countries can be unnecessary or it can be freedom. A fence can hold up a magnificent garden. It can keep your dog from getting lost. It can make your feel safe. It is the same when you say ‘no’ to someone.
“No, you cannot treat me that way. No, I can’t attend. No, that language is not okay with me.”
We can build our own fences and make them quite beautiful.
Follow your ‘no’ with a ‘why’. Your family members will be more apt to understand and accept your boundaries when you explain your reasoning. In fact, most people completely understand.
“Please do not speak to me in that way. When I was growing up, my mother always told me that if you allow people to talk to you with disrespect, you would start to disrespect yourself. I can’t let that happen. I won’t disrespect you, either. Thank you for understanding.”
Only when we show self-respect and self-care, can we expect others to do the same.
The Evil Stepmother Speaks
