Step-mothering: It Takes So Much Time!

“Tragedy plus time equals comedy.” Lily Tomlin

If you have ever wondered:

stepmother, stepfamily, stepchildren, divorce, parenting
Stepmother Time is Ours to Control. It’s Relative!

How much more time do I devote to my role as a stepmother? or

Will things get better over time? If so, exactly how much time? or

Will time heal?

How much time do you spend step-mothering? Literally, count the hours. Be sure to count the time spent talking and thinking about your stepfamily life. Also, count the time you spend venting and complaining about the entire stepfamily situation. I think you will find that it is a huge percentage of your life. If you have biological children, calculate the time you do the same for them. When you start doing this math, is there any time left? Once you also subtract your sleep and work time, I bet there is nothing left. I would not be surprised if you have negative hours left.

No time means no sleep. No sleep means grumpiness. Grumpiness indicates that you aren’t thinking straight, which leads to craziness. Craziness leads to bad decisions and insane thoughts. Since our brains are leading this charge, we totally believe what we are thinking. Next thing you know, the evil stepmother becomes real. Not only does the world hate us, but we hate ourselves.

Time is the key to our sanity. Time can be our friend or our enemy. When we look at time, we can count the hours in a day and do calculations like we did in the prior paragraph. 24 hours in a day minus 6 hours of sleep minus 10 hours of work minus 2 hours or parenting minus 2 hours of driving minus 1 hour of house stuff. As this math equation shows, looking at time as a 24-hour clock usually means running, running and more running. Our success is measured by how many errands we can get done in a day. No time to think. No time to ponder. No quality time for ourselves or anyone else.

The good news is that time is not a fixed measurement with a clear beginning and ending. Time is relative and totally dependent on the person experiencing it. Yes, it is true. We can control our time. Per the book, The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor, he writes the following:

Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity, many of the inviolable laws of the universe become altered based on the observer. Who ages faster? A person who remains still or the person who is moving at the speed of light? The person standing still will age faster because time dilates (expands) with motion, relative from the stationary observer. Time is not fixed and immutable is relative to motion. So everything is relative from distance to time to length…it’s all relative.

Remember that brain with all the crazy thoughts that lives in our heads? We believe that brain and it controls our perception of time and relative understanding of our world. In other words, our understanding of the world is based on how and where we observe it. The great news is that we can change that perception or understanding of the world around us. It is called a mindset change. Here are some examples:

Old Mindset New Mindset
I don’t have time. I have too much time. I can find any time that I want.
My deadline to pick the kids up is 3:00pm My lifeline to pick the kids up is 3:00pm
I can’t take the time to read or play word games. Napping and/or playing games are a priority. It is a productive way to spend time.
I am dreading the arrival of the Skids. I can’t wait for the Skids to get here!
I have to run these errands. I want to run the errands. I don’t have to do anything.
No one appreciates how much time I spend. I don’t need anyone to notice my time. I control my time.

The language that you use has a huge impact. Consider taking a look at your language and the verbs that you use. Could there be another way to look at it? You have the power to expand your universe and your time. As crazy as it sounds, give it a try. After all, it’s all relative.

The language that you use has a huge impact. Consider taking a look at your language and the verbs that you use. Could there be another way to look at it? You have the power to expand your universe and your time. As crazy as it sounds, give it a try. After all, it’s all relative.

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